The Beethoven Reference Site Forums  

Go Back   The Beethoven Reference Site Forums > General > General Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 11 votes, 5.00 average. Display Modes
Old 03-14-2009, 12:47 AM   #81
PDG
Senior Member
 
PDG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Gosport in sunny England
Posts: 1,689
A man goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I'm not well."

Says Doc: "Can you describe the symptoms?"

Says man: "Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair."
PDG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2009, 12:56 AM   #82
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
I don't really get it, but I think it has something to do with the Simpsons.

Here's mine :

Old and regrettably very ugly lady goes to see a sex therapist (after due consultation with her regular GP).

Sex therapist (ST) : How can I help?
Old and regrettably ugly lady (ORUL) : My husband refuses to make love to me.
ST : Oh? Why is that?
ORUL : He says I look like a goat.
ST : A goat?
ORUL : Yes, a goat.
ST : Well, we'd better take a look. Take off your clothes, please.
[ORUL takes off her clothes...]
ST : Ergh! Baaah !!!

Last edited by Quijote; 03-14-2009 at 12:57 AM. Reason: Sorry
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2009, 01:01 AM   #83
PDG
Senior Member
 
PDG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Gosport in sunny England
Posts: 1,689
So glad you're sorry...
PDG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2009, 01:26 AM   #84
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
So, this is the place. I was saying, my wife (crazed German, looks like Claudia Schiffer, black boots, whips, the whole thing) ... er, which forum am I on?

Last edited by Quijote; 03-14-2009 at 01:28 AM. Reason: Blimey, I think I prefer Cage
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2009, 07:22 AM   #85
Angel
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 31
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
I don't really get it, but I think it has something to do with the Simpsons.

Here's mine :

Old and regrettably very ugly lady goes to see a sex therapist (after due consultation with her regular GP).

Sex therapist (ST) : How can I help?
Old and regrettably ugly lady (ORUL) : My husband refuses to make love to me.
ST : Oh? Why is that?
ORUL : He says I look like a goat.
ST : A goat?
ORUL : Yes, a goat.
ST : Well, we'd better take a look. Take off your clothes, please.
[ORUL takes off her clothes...]
ST : Ergh! Baaah !!!
*FAlls on the floor laughing hard*

This sort of reminds me My friend's sister! hehehehahahaha!!! :-D
Angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2009, 01:13 AM   #86
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
So, this Irishman walks into a bar, on St. Patricks' Day, and shouts:
"Ouch!"
(It was an iron bar).

Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2009, 01:17 AM   #87
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDG View Post
A man goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I'm not well."

Says Doc: "Can you describe the symptoms?"

Says man: "Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair."


Which reminds me of the one about the guy who went to his doctor, complaining that he kept dreaming of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.
And the doctor asks: "How long have you been having these disney spells?"
Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2009, 01:20 AM   #88
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
Which reminds me of the guy who goes to his doctor (a different doctor) and says that he wakes up every morning humming "The Green Green Grass of Home".
"I see," says the doctor. "It sounds like an advanced case of 'Tom Jones Syndrome' "
"Is it a fairly common complaint?" asks the patient.
"Well", says the doctor, "It's not unusual".
Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2009, 01:28 AM   #89
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
Which reminds me of the (slightly rude) one about the soprano who went to her doctor with an embarrassing complaint.
"Doctor," she said, "every time I hit high C I break wind. But the funny thing. is that there is no smell whatsoever."
The doctor was a bit sceptical so he asked her to demonstrate and she produced a number of high Cs with the accompanying flatulence.
"See?" she said, "no smell."
The doctor proceeded to write out a letter.
"I am sending you to a specialist for a small operation."
"I can't have one right now, Doctor. I am appearing in an opera and I have to sit down in several scenes."
"You'll have no problem sitting down, madam," says the doctor,"the operation is on your nose."
Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 02:46 PM   #90
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
I was reading an article on Gandhi recently. I never realised that he had very bad breath. Also, he had huge callouses on his feet because he never wore shoes. And his general health was very bad.
In fact, you could say he was a super-calloused fragile mystic cursed by halitosis.
Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2009, 04:53 PM   #91
Megan
Senior Member
 
Megan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Land of Hope and Glory
Posts: 1,766
Play the violin Johnny !

Play the violin forever !


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUpgg...eature=related
Megan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-29-2009, 07:51 PM   #92
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Whilst waiting for my evening out with the Marmara Trio, I thought it was time for a sketch.

An Administrator and sadistic Headmaster : Peter
A crook and utter charlatan : Michael
A crazed former 'cellist and violent madman : Philip
Ludwig van Beethoven : Himself

Scene : Beethoven's apartment, somewhere in Vienna, c. 1808

LvB : Welcome, Gentlemen, come in! Wine, anyone?
All : Yes!
LvB : So, you scoundrels, what are we going to talk about this evening?
Michael : Well, Louis, take a look at this article in the Vienna Musical Times! A new art work!
Peter : Utter crap!
Philip : Simply sublime!
Peter : No, it isn't.
Philip : Yes, it is.
Peter : No.
Philip : Yes.
[Goes on in a similar vein for several hours ...]
LvB : Zzzz
Michael : Hic ...

Fin.

Last edited by Quijote; 04-29-2009 at 07:58 PM.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2009, 07:24 PM   #93
Megan
Senior Member
 
Megan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Land of Hope and Glory
Posts: 1,766
Tavern Scene ...

Beethoven sitting in a corner of the Tavern reading .......

The Innkeeper Karl... droned monotonously on , praising the Emperor, and saying that the whole city was now so full of subversives. but the Emperor being a kind man, wouldn't take any action against them, and Karl throwing his arms in the air, railing against Napoleon, whe everyone could see was setting up a worse system of priveliges , worse than anythig know the Hapsburg's .

Beethoven's brow was getting blacker as he struggled to maintain his tight lipped demeanour. 'Idiots'! he thought, the revolutionary spirit must sweep everything away the rotton old system with it. But he knew the Emperor's spies were everywhere, so he literally bit his tongue, glared at the Innkeeper, spat on the floor and stormed out of the Tavern , knocking the chairs flying..



members are invited to add to story

Last edited by Megan; 05-03-2009 at 07:27 PM.
Megan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2009, 07:19 AM   #94
Megan
Senior Member
 
Megan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Land of Hope and Glory
Posts: 1,766



Megan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2009, 07:59 PM   #95
Michael
Senior Member
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Killarney, Ireland
Posts: 3,587
Extract from an interview with a famous clairvoyant =

Clairvoyant: On my twelfth birthday.
Interviewer: When exactly did you discover that you could tell the future?
Michael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-2009, 03:48 PM   #96
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Greetings, Michael. Long time, no spar.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you something lamentable : me, in front of a bunch of music undergraduates here in Strasbourg, telling your superb Descartes joke (see above, somewhere) in French, and being met by blank faces. Well, one or two laughed, but maybe they were trying to impress me. Lost in translation, perhaps?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2009, 11:12 PM   #97
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael View Post
Extract from an interview with a famous clairvoyant =

Clairvoyant: On my twelfth birthday.
Interviewer: When exactly did you discover that you could tell the future?
Clairvoyant : Because Michael is snubbing me.
Interviewer : Why are you pulling out your remaining hair in frustration?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 05:56 PM   #98
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : No.
Interviewer : Do you think Michael wants to engage in a debate with you, about anything at all?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 05:58 PM   #99
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : Possibly. It depends on the subject.
Interviewer : Do you think administrators Peter and Chris want to engage with you regarding the topics on this forum?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 05:59 PM   #100
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : He has to, he is as bonkers as I am.
Interviewer : Do you think Preston cares to discuss with you?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 05:59 PM   #101
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : Him too.
Interviewer : And Sorrano?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 06:01 PM   #102
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : Beethoven's 9th, played backwards.
Interviewer : What would be the "soundtrack" to your life?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2009, 06:01 PM   #103
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Clairvoyant : You're welcome.
Interviewer : Thank you.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2009, 08:53 PM   #104
PDG
Senior Member
 
PDG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Gosport in sunny England
Posts: 1,689
Clairvoyant: Don't worry (sniff...), we all do.
Philip: And I so miss that handsome rake, PDG.
PDG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2009, 09:15 PM   #105
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Good Lord, he's back !
Thought you'd been shackled up by your latest "squeeze", PDG ! So glad you managed to escape. By the way, I have lamented your absence elsewhere on this forum.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2009, 10:41 PM   #106
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Philip & PDG comedy duo are back in town to liven up your autumn-into-winter days. Oh yes.
[Philip & PDG now do their version of a Chas n' Dave cockney "Knees up Mother Brown" sort of thing on a badly tuned Bechstein ...]
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2009, 10:43 PM   #107
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Philip & PDG comedy duo are back in town to liven up your autumn-into-winter days. Oh yes.
[Philip & PDG now do their version of a Chas n' Dave cockney "Knees up Mother Brown" sort of thing on a badly tuned Bechstein ...]
A clinical psychologist writes : Oh Lord, not this, not now, please!
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 12:16 AM   #108
PDG
Senior Member
 
PDG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Gosport in sunny England
Posts: 1,689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
Good Lord, he's back !
Thought you'd been shackled up by your latest "squeeze", PDG ! So glad you managed to escape. By the way, I have lamented your absence elsewhere on this forum.
No new 'squeeze', Phil - I've had the same one for years now! Now, who will take top billing in our comedy partnership. I suggest it be me (with the percentage split to represent this). Are we agreed? I can think of no other contender....

And thanks for finding me lamentable. I'm touched...
PDG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 03:46 PM   #109
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDG View Post
No new 'squeeze', Phil - I've had the same one for years now!
Poor girl, she must be a saint, I'd say!
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 03:49 PM   #110
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDG View Post
Now, who will take top billing in our comedy partnership. I suggest it be me (with the percentage split to represent this). Are we agreed? I can think of no other contender....
You and your bloody artist's ego! OK, I agree, so long as you accept payment in old Viennese florins. So, you are to be Hardy and I Laurel, is that it?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 03:50 PM   #111
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDG View Post
And thanks for finding me lamentable. I'm touched...
Touched? Yes, I believe you are, PDG. Welcome back!!!
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 04:00 PM   #112
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
And now a French joke I heard only today, but first you need a quick lesson in French "bar room speak". Here in Alsace, if you want a small shot of whiskey (or similar 'ether') you ask for "un baby". So, "Donnez-moi un baby" = "Give me a shot of whiskey".

Here's the joke :

Mozart and Bach go to a bar (in Alsace) :

Barman : "What'll you have, gentlemen?"
JS Bach : "Donnez-moi un baby."
Barman : Et vous, Wolfgang?"
Mozart : "Oh, un baby comme Bach!"

Geddit?
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 04:01 PM   #113
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
I think only PDG and Michael will get this one.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 04:08 PM   #114
Peter
Administrator
 
Peter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 9,576
Question

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
And now a French joke I heard only today, but first you need a quick lesson in French "bar room speak". Here in Alsace, if you want a small shot of whiskey (or similar 'ether') you ask for "un baby". So, "Donnez-moi un baby" = "Give me a shot of whiskey".

Here's the joke :

Mozart and Bach go to a bar (in Alsace) :

Barman : "What'll you have, gentlemen?"
JS Bach : "Donnez-moi un baby."
Barman : Et vous, Wolfgang?"
Mozart : "Oh, un baby comme Bach!"

Geddit?
I could be wrong (long time since my schoolboy French!) but shouldn't it be 'et tu'?
__________________
'Man know thyself'
Peter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 04:10 PM   #115
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter View Post
I could be wrong (long time since my schoolboy French!) but shouldn't it be 'et tu'?
Well, if the barman was on familiar terms with Wolfgang he would have said "Et toi, Wolfgang?" Are you perhaps confusing this with Julius Caesar : "Et tu, Brutus?" Have you had "un baby de trop", Peter? (*)

(*) One "baby" too many?

Last edited by Quijote; 10-13-2009 at 04:13 PM.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 07:58 PM   #116
Peter
Administrator
 
Peter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 9,576
Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
Well, if the barman was on familiar terms with Wolfgang he would have said "Et toi, Wolfgang?" Are you perhaps confusing this with Julius Caesar : "Et tu, Brutus?" Have you had "un baby de trop", Peter? (*)

(*) One "baby" too many?
No I thought that tu was singular and vous plural?
__________________
'Man know thyself'
Peter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 08:43 PM   #117
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter View Post
No I thought that tu was singular and vous plural?
Tu is singular, and vous is plural, as you say. The "vous" is also the polite form (like the German "sie" as opposed to "du").
I think in English we used to make a similar distinction : thee and thou, though I have forgotten which is familiar and which is formal. Could the grammarians on the forum enlighten us?

Last edited by Quijote; 10-13-2009 at 10:45 PM. Reason: An afterthought
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2009, 10:46 PM   #118
Quijote
Senior Member
 
Quijote's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,499
Peter (and others), would you care to share "un baby" next time you happen to be in Strasbourg? I'm afraid I don't possess a Bechstein (my piano is something far more modest, but functional; at least it is tuned, though my regular tuner this time round [3 weeks ago] makes me think he is not committed to equal temperament!).
Talking of equal temperament, I have a comment to make on the regular (general) forum : please see the thread Pitch recognition and key colour.

Last edited by Quijote; 10-13-2009 at 10:57 PM.
Quijote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2009, 11:13 AM   #119
Peter
Administrator
 
Peter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 9,576
Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
Tu is singular, and vous is plural, as you say. The "vous" is also the polite form (like the German "sie" as opposed to "du").
I think in English we used to make a similar distinction : thee and thou, though I have forgotten which is familiar and which is formal. Could the grammarians on the forum enlighten us?
Yes I thought it might be that, similar to the German. What surprises me is that in our more informal times those distinctions still exist - for once we are actually ahead!
__________________
'Man know thyself'
Peter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2009, 11:16 AM   #120
Peter
Administrator
 
Peter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 9,576
Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
Peter (and others), would you care to share "un baby" next time you happen to be in Strasbourg? I'm afraid I don't possess a Bechstein (my piano is something far more modest, but functional; at least it is tuned, though my regular tuner this time round [3 weeks ago] makes me think he is not committed to equal temperament!).
Talking of equal temperament, I have a comment to make on the regular (general) forum : please see the thread Pitch recognition and key colour.
Oui - un baby avec toi would be delightful I'm sure, though not quite sure when I'll be in that lovely part of the world.
__________________
'Man know thyself'
Peter is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:00 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.